My baby turns 5 next week, and in her short life, she has taught me much. First being, I have no control. At 6 weeks early, she was unable to breathe on her own, and thus as her mom, there was nothing I could do but watch the tubes help her breathe and feed her. That's hard for us mom's. We like to be in control. We like to fix things. We like to make sure we've got our thumb on whatever the situation is...but sometimes, we just can't. We can't do it all. Amazing realization. A mom, can't do it all??? This post is in honor of Mallory. Who teaches me everyday.
A Letter To Mama,
I am 5. I am opinionated, hard headed and sometimes downright unruly. This is because I feel alot and think alot, and sometimes I do those things better than I talk. I am unorganized. Oh sure, it may look like I've got it all figured out...they way I play with my dolls, and the way I organize my trucks, makes me appear to be a genius. But, in reality, I am unable to understand that you will be mad at me for getting toothpaste on the clean shirt I just put on. "So what? Its a shirt?" That's what I think. I have no concept of it being new or expensive. Sometimes, I talk like a little adult, but I'm not one. My brain is still pretty immature. It is hard sometimes for me to organize long sequences of information. I can follow directions with many steps by now, but sometimes...I may get confused. It's okay. I'm okay. I'm just trying to figure it out for myself.
I LOVE my things. Dolls, books, blanket...whatever it is, I love it. I am attached to it. It's okay. I feel a sense of pride in my ownership of things. I like to hold my things because it tells people it's mine. You may think it's silly how attached I am to my things. You know they are just things, but remember what I said earlier? I am not a little adult. I am 5, and sometimes my "things" make me feel better and bring me comfort, especially when I have to go long periods of time without seeing you.
I am active. I need to run around. Sometimes, when you see me and I'm just moving moving moving, it's because i'm so excited. Sometimes, its because I just have lots of energy and it has to go somewhere! Sometimes you say "whew, child! you wear me out!" Guess what! I am never worn out. If I am, I will go to sleep. That's the way I work now. If i'm up, I like to move, If i'm tired, I will go to sleep. Sometimes, you laugh at me because I literally MOVE in the bed until I fall asleep. But, please keep in mind that sometimes, especially if I have just turned 5, that this is why Kindergarten is hard for me. There is alot of sitting, and I like alot of moving. Especially if I am a boy. My hands work really well, but sometimes, I will still spill things and drop things, and break things. For no apparent reason whatsoever. It will help me, if you just say "Accidents happen." I like to draw pictures, and tell you what they are, and have you write that down for me across the top. I love to practice writing my name, but it's not perfect. That's okay.
You know what else? It's okay if I can't read yet. I can probably name all the letters and most of their sounds and that is great. If I am a girl, I have probably always loved books and loved to be read to, and always had alot of language. If I am a boy, I have probably always like moving, puzzles, and banging things. That's how we are different. Look at you and daddy. Daddy does not like long talks...you do. Daddy has a hard time paying attention when I am telling a long story...you don't. Guess what! We are wired that way from the beginning. Boys will be boys! Of course, this isn't true for all of us 5 year olds, we are all as different as night and day. That is what makes being 5 fun. There is always something new to expect.
Oh the stories I can tell! Sometimes, I may make up what happened during my day. I'm not lying...just telling a story. Sometimes, I can't remember what happened. That's okay too. I love to hear stories, and I LOVE for you to tell me stories about when I was a baby. That is my favorite, because sometimes, I still wish I was a baby. Sometimes, I get treated like too much of a big kid, and I need to be reminded that I will always be your baby. Although I may not act like it, I love for you to ask me questions about my day. It let's me know you care about what I did. Teach me how to ask you about your day and I will! We can talk about it on the car ride home.
You know what I think is most important for you to know about me? I don't like it when you worry about what other kids are doing, and if I'm okay. I am okay. I'm me. Sometimes, we learn faster or slower than other kids. That's okay. Some of us really do have ADHD or ADD. That's okay. We will learn to adjust. Some of us are quirky, or funny, or silly, or immature. Its all okay.
I'm only 5. I've got a long road ahead of me. We've got alot to look forward to, so don't put so much pressure on me to be the big kid. I've got plenty of time for that!
I will be okay, as long as you are my mama and the whole family works together.
I love you,
Your 5 year old