I haven't blogged in a long time...mostly because, well, I'm the mom and I don't really have time to do anything creative, or that doesnt involve my kids. But, lately as i've been reading on Facebook i've discovered i'm not alone in feeling like i'm overwhelmed. Some moms act like they've got it all together...that their whole life just works out perfectly and it's all tied up at the end of the day with the perfect red bow. (I picture it like the one on the Christmas Mercedes commercial but that's another topic for another day.) I think they are probably lying to you, me and themselves, and those moms... I think one day they are gonna crack and come over to my side of the fence where we are honest, and tell people we've had a bad day. Where we admit that we don't have it all together and some days we are lucky to get out of the house with two matching shoes. My side of the fence is healthy. It's freedom. It's fun! Come on over!!!!! It's these thoughts that inspired me to write this:
Being Mama is hard. Its long days of being selfless, and not enough sleep. Its being a worrier. Worrying about your kids, about your husband, about your parents, the bills, the house, the dog. And not necessarily in that order. It's taking on more than you should and not letting enough go.
It's loving your friends kids as your own, and worrying about them too. It's being mama to everyone around you. Because, once motherhood has changed your heart, you can't turn it off and on. You feel for others more, you love others more deeply, because you now have a mothers heart...and you think "they have a mama, how does she feel?"
Being Mama is accepting everything is your fault. It's running late, its spilt orange juice in the car, and tardy slips that are "All your fault." It's forgetting to wash the favorite pullover so when the kid is cold.."Its your fault" It's forgetting bread and having to buy lunch on a day they "hate." It's not having anything good for dinner. It's 5 minutes late for cheer class. All. Your. Fault. And your okay with it being your fault if it brings peace in the house. Because in the end, being Mama means you want everyone around you to be happy, even if there is a little, fleeting sadness in you.
Being Mama is being tired. Never enough sleep. Never taking a nap. Never having peace and quiet. It's hearing your name countless times throughout the day from sun up to sundown. Most of the time, it's not in a sweet voice either. It's never having been to the bathroom, or in the shower without a little face popping in to say "Mama!" It's a never ending "to do " list.
It's a jam packed schedule and the ability to rearrange that schedule at the drop of hat...for an emergency, for a friend...Because even when you so tired you think you can't go on, being Mama is having the strength to keep going. To keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing it with a smile. Because all that matters, at the end of the day, is them.
Being Mama is forgetting. Forgetting passwords (there are way too many). Forgetting birthdays, anniversaries. You don't mean to, but there is just so much in your head! It's forgetting a snack, forgetting to check the mail, forgetting to pay a bill every once in awhile. It's having a hard time remembering who you were before the children. They completely changed your life and sometimes you have a hard time getting a glimpse of who you were before them. Thank goodness for the people who've been around long enough, and know you well enough, to remind you. When your with them, you get a glimpse of who you were before, the fun you used to have, but for some reason...you don't miss her as much as you would think you do, and this kind of fun is an all new, better kind of fun. Because it includes them.
Being a Mama is forgiving. Forgiving your husband for not doing things perfectly. Forgiving your kids when they say something that rips your heart out. Forgiving the mom down the street who doesn't have to exercise and eats Krispy Kreme everyday. Forgiving those people who may intentionally hurt your feelings, and those who hurt them by accident. Because mostly, when you
start forgiving all the little things, you start forgiving the big things...and you learn that Being Mama means you have to have a whole lot of forgiveness to go around but that you need to reserve most of it for yourself.
Being Mama is learning. Learning more everyday. Changing with the years as your kids do. Learning to accept that some things change, circumstances do too, but if you have chosen the right people to walk with you on this "Being Mama" journey, they don't. It's learning to pray whole heartedly for anothers happiness. It's learning to accept that having children meant letting your whole heart walk around outside your body. It's finally learning that maybe somethings aren't your fault. It's okay to forget some things. It's okay to take a nap, and it's okay to shut the door to the bathroom, turn on the shower and cry, just because your the Mama. It's okay to teach your kids that Mama cries too. Mama is tired too..it's learning to laugh to keep from crying. Its learning that in the end...you will always be learning, about Being Mama.